Confused, unbalanced, and all over the place

The season is changing. There’s a drop in temperature; a new edge on the air that catches before the sun rises, and when the clouds are down. The sun is doing its early sinking, liminal lingering thing. It seems to say ‘I’m leaving.’ 

​The nights are drawing in, and the mornings reluctant to break. A shift. One that might not be noticed from a life indoors, perhaps too subtle to notice from within a city’s walls. As a nation we are statistically spending more time outside. Or, at least we were, when that was our respite from a year of the same four walls. We had a year that, whilst distinctly more digital, was also much more ‘natural.’

As our lives become cluttered once more, with the fluorescence of the office, the busyness of work, the chaos of pubs and parties, and the mountain of unscalable chores alongside it all, we drift away from nature - both the planet’s and our own. Many of us sank into our own, long forgotten rhythms during lockdown when we had few other distractions, to the point where now, organising ourselves to leave the house and take public transport to be somewhere on time is a daunting, stressful, and at times unachievable task. Others, such as key workers, may have been so fraught that they’ve never been further from their own rhythm, and by contrast may now struggle - to let go of extra responsibilities, to calm down their hyper-alert state, or to leave work at the door - to the point where quiet and stillness feel empty, uncomfortable, or even anxiety provoking.

On the face of it, we’re ‘nearly back to normal,’ where society (read: the advertising industry and social-media-projected presentation of self) seems to hold the expectation that we’ll pick up where we left off overnight, resuming hectic social schedules, school club drop offs and pick ups, and the backlog of workloads. It’s very easy for the thoughts of ‘I should… I ought… I need to…’ to follow on from requests, instructions, invitations, even from seeing social media posts of other people ‘out having fun.’

The reality may not be so simple. Nature makes itself known more starkly near the season’s change, and it always has messages for us to learn from. If I went away and left a plant cooped up in a greenhouse for a long period of time, without sufficient air circulation, adequate hydration, or suitable temperature, when I return and suddenly afford it these things it needs and is used to, it doesn’t just spring back to life as if I’d been giving it these things all along. I’d have to tend to it, take away dead leaves, change it’s position, gently reintroduce water rather than flooding it, and with some plants I’d have to make these changes very slowly. There is no chance it would produce fruit though, if it hadn’t been exposed to pollinators; I would have to be patient for that and wait another year. It’s important not to lose sight of the huge restrictions, changes, and deprivations we have all been through over the last 18 months, and to go gently with ourselves as we adjust to having access to everything ‘normal’ again. It can take time.

For the last 5 years, since I returned to nature from years in a big city, I keep commenting on how the seasons seem to have shifted. They are nothing like how I remember them as a child. Nature is confused too. Some years bats have emerged in March with the rising temperatures, only to risk death by starvation as snow and frosts in April severely limit the availability of food. Some years, bats haven’t hibernated at all. Migration times are changing too, and this year the sloes have been ripe for picking in August! The seasons seem all over the place, no doubt directly linked to climate change. Wildlife seems confused. It seems this echoes where many of us are also; all over the place, confused, unbalanced, and tired. ​

With the fast pace of our digitally-led society, with news headlines, other people’s opinions and others’ celebrations invading our consciousness 24/7, in our pockets and next to our pillows, it’s easy to put pressure on ourselves to bounce straight back to how things were before the pandemic hit, especially when it looks like ‘everyone else is.’ The mental, emotional, and energetic shifts we’ve been through over the last 18 months are subtle and, for the most part, intangible. This makes it difficult to link a problem - low energy, anxiety, overwhelm, low motivation, feeling pressured, irritability, FOMO* - directly to a cause such as recent lockdown, social isolation, sudden change, health anxiety, sudden bereavement, and all the other aspects of our pandemic experience. 

But it is there. As subtle as it may be, I see and hear about it in myself and the people around me; being easily tired, overwhelm at ‘normal things,’ shrunken comfort zones, low confidence; this list is by no means exhaustive! So if you have a similar experience, and feel the pressure to put on a brave face whilst you’re finding it really difficult some or all of the time, you are not alone. It’s ok to be wobbly, unbalanced, confused, and tired. It’s definitely ok to put yourself first and take the steps you need to look after yourself, and to give it time.

​Traditionally, as schools in England return this week, Harvest Festival is celebrated, where we see and enjoy the crops reaped from efforts earlier in the year, and share the bounty and any excess with those less fortunate. We may not have been able to invest in our own lives this year in the same way as previous years, so we may feel as though there is less to reap and celebrate, and perhaps even less to share with others. We may not have been able to save for and then enjoy a holiday, due to restrictions, working overtime, furlough or unemployment. We may not have been able to see and spend time with those we love and have photos and memories of these times to mull over. We may not have started new projects. There has been so much loss. And with a government and media emphasis on restrictions, barriers, dangers, and problems, we may have assimilated this approach into our mindset; seeing barriers before opportunities, focusing on loss rather than gain,  and/or becoming risk averse. I invite you to challenge this negative bias by spending a moment finding a few things you can be grateful for, and a few successes you have had over the last 18 months - there is an exercise on this below.

If in doubt, look to nature for guidance… Now is the time of seed heads and seed pods, forming, popping, releasing. Seeds, once given what they need to grow and thrive, take their time to germinate, usually sheltered beneath the soil, preparing themselves for a transformation, where they re-emerge as something altogether very different. Perhaps this coming autumn/winter can be our germination phase, where we prepare ourselves for a (hopefully) full year of ‘normality.

It's great to be able to do everything again, but that doesn't mean we are ready for it.

*FOMO stands for ‘fear of missing out.’ The phrase/acronym was coined around 2004, and was probably timely with the rise of smartphones and social media, giving rise later to online targeted advertising and the bombardment of events, suggestions, evidence of others’ fun, and endless ‘opportunities’ we filter through on our phones on a daily basis today.

Gratitude & Achievements Practices

For these reflective exercises, you'll need a pen(cil) and paper, or you could make notes into your phone.

Take a moment where you'll have at least five to ten minutes undisturbed.

Start by taking a few breaths to distance you from what you were just doing,  ready to focus onto this task(s). ​​

Gratitude

• Make a list of five bullet points 
• Close your eyes and think about what it feels like to be happy / grateful
• You might like to write down any thoughts about this
•  Close your eyes and think about what makes you feel good / happy / grateful
• You might like to write down any thoughts/themes about this
• Close your eyes again and cast your mind back over the last year or so, looking for these things and feelings
• Note down anything from the last year or so that you've been grateful for - try to find five (more is fine!)

​​

Achievement

• Make a list of five bullet points 
• Close your eyes and think about what it feels like to be successful / achieving
• You might like to write down any thoughts about this
• Close your eyes and think about what makes you feel successful / empowered / gives you sense of achievement
• You might like to write down any thoughts/themes about this
• Close your eyes again and cast your mind back over the last year or so, looking for these things and feelings
• Note down anything from the last year or so that has been an achievement / success for you, however small - try to find five (more is fine!)

​It can be difficult to think of things for the bullet point list, especially if we are used to negative/critical/worrisome thinking. With practice, it becomes easier. These exercise can help us to gradually re-route our thinking bias away from the negative, and start programming ourselves to out look for and acknowledge the things are grateful for, and that bring us a sense of achievement and confidence. ​